You’ve checked his Instagram. You’ve checked his Hinge profile. Now, check the only thing that really matters: the planets. Is your confusing almost-thing actually fated, or is Mercury retrograde just toying with your heart? Take our quiz to find out if your situationship is star-crossed… or just doomed by bad taste.
1. What’s their zodiac sign?
a) Pisces/Libra/Gemini
b) Scorpio/Leo/Taurus
c) Capricorn/Virgo/Cancer
d) Aries/Sagittarius/Aquarius
e) I don’t know, I just know their birth chart compatibility score is 83%.
2. How did you meet?
a) On a dating app—obviously.
b) At a party, and you instantly trauma-bonded.
c) Through friends, and everyone has an opinion.
d) He DM’d you at 1a.m. and you answered (oops).
e) He’s technically your ex’s friend, but whatever, it’s LA.
3. Their response time to your texts is…
a) Chaotic. Sometimes immediate, sometimes three business days.
b) Thoughtful, but suspiciously vague.
c) They leave you on read and then send a meme three hours later.
d) You basically communicate via memes and thirst traps.
e) He always replies—except when Mercury is in retrograde.
4. Your last hangout ended with…
a) An “are we exclusive?” talk that no one answered.
b) Making out in the car because no one wanted to go inside.
c) Saying “let’s do this again soon,” and then silence for a week.
d) Running into his ex at the bar— awkward!
e) Going home together, but now you’re unsure if it was a date.
5. Your situationship’s official communication method:
a) DMs
b) Voice notes
c) TikTok likes
d) Hinge “roses”
e) Reactions to your stories (fire emoji counts as effort, right?)
6. Do you check their birth chart compatibility?
a) Duh, on three different apps.
b) Only after the third date.
c) No, but my friend did.
d) Only when things are weirdly off.
e) I pretend I don’t care but I definitely know their moon sign.
7. When you ask friends for advice, they say…
a) “Run.”
b) “See where it goes…”
c) “He’s probably just busy.”
d) “It’s Mercury retrograde, babe.”
e) “Honestly, you should write about this.”
RESULTS
Mostly A’s:
Star-Crossed (Or Just Crossed Wires?)
You’re convinced this is cosmic, but the universe might just be sending you mixed signals—and memes. Your vibe: Carrie Bradshaw with a Co-Star addiction. Advice: If you have to ask the stars for answers, maybe ask yourself first.
Mostly B’s:
Astro-Adjacent Situationship
Your story is messy, mysterious, and would make a killer plotline in an indie film. The chemistry is real —but so is the chaos. Is it fate, or just your Venus in retrograde? Proceed with caution (and a backup roster).
Mostly C’s:
Mercury Is Definitely In Gatorade You’re living in communication limbo. It’s not unrequited love—it’s just uncoordinated timing. The stars might align… if you ever actually text each other back.
Mostly D’s:
Red Flag Rising
Is this a situationship, or just a seasonal allergy? The stars are screaming “NO” but you’re ignoring the signs (and your bestie’s warnings). You’re here for a good time, not a stable one.
Mostly E’s:
Delulu, But Make It Astrology You’ve built a whole narrative around one coffee date and a shared sun sign. It’s giving “main character energy,” but maybe also “needs to touch grass.” Either way, your situationship will always be cosmic—at least in your group chat.
Screenshot your result and tag @lovesexla—let’s see who’s got the most delulu chart in LA.