On the topic of male vs. female initiating, I reached out to the one and only Niko Emanuilidis of The Daddy Academy, social media’s favorite dating expert, who always keeps it real and unfiltered. I asked him what his thoughts are on whether men prefer to pursue or if they like it when a woman initiates things.
He asked, “By pursuing a relationship, do you mean, like, the asking out on dates and the early stages, like that? Or, like, when it’s time for the ‘what are we’ talk? Or all of the above?”
I wanted to know all of the above!
So Niko filled me in, and he had a lot to say.
Niko: So I think, in general, men do enjoy the chase of pursuing and want to pursue. The issue nowadays is more so that dating apps and social media have made the dating scene more competitive, and some of the nicer/more genuine guys are losing out to the ‘fuck boys’ because they don’t understand attraction as well. And then the ‘fuck boys’ know they have the options, so they do less, which then leads to women pursuing and doing more. Women are, more times than not, rejecting the nice guys to then try and pursue men who aren’t interested in them for more than something casual.
So this actually all stems back to men (in general) needing to learn the rules of attraction. Masculine energy, not coming across as needy, pursuing with intent. And women needing to learn to pick up the signs and develop the boundaries and standards that would weed out the fuck boys, and would only leave the space for a healthy masculine man to come into their lives, because they wouldn’t settle for less than the type of actions a man who is serious about you would display.
A simpler answer – men enjoy pursuing, but now more than ever [men] look for more “choosing signals” from women to pursue because they are either lacking confidence or they aren’t interested in dating more than casually, and want to make sure the woman is totally into them before making a move.
Too much of a strong pursuit from a woman might turn a guy off or lead to him knowing he’s got you around his finger. The perfect amount is perhaps the “dropping the handkerchief” or making the opening. After that, the man needs to pursue, with 70% of conversation initiated on his end, 30% from her. When it comes to approaching the “what are we” conversation, it behooves women to take a lead in a sense of verbalizing her appreciation and feelings for how she is enjoying the relationship trajectory, along with stating her timeline thoughts. This will give a healthy man the green light to know he can ask her to be official without moving too fast or being needy, while also laying a standard that a fboy will have to respond to and respect.
-Niko Emanuilidis
@thedaddyacademy on TikTok & @nikoeman on IG