Why wasting time decoding mixed signals is way worse than facing rejection head-on.
You’ve just come home from hanging out with your latest crush and something feels… off. You’re confused, spiraling even. You haven’t defined the relationship—maybe it’s too early, maybe you’re unsure, or maybe you’re scared to start a conversation that historically sends people (men?) running for the hills.
So you go into detective mode. With your journal and your girls, you replay every second—what they said, their tone, the vibes, that moment they looked bored, the phone check while you were in the bathroom. You leave with more questions than answers, inventing scenarios where they either profess their undying love or reject you so badly you never recover. You wait for them to make the next move or plot ways to get answers without asking directly.
Babe, stop. Ask for clarity. Don’t argue with me.
Here’s a true story. In addition to being a dating coach, I’m also a single girl on a mission to find her Pedro Pascal-esque soulmate. A few months ago, I met a DJ at a party. We had mutual friends, hung out a bit, then started making out and texting. He consistently made plans with me. But I ignored my own advice: no boundaries, no blueprint, just vibes.
We went on a hike. The energy was off. When I dropped him off, he hopped out of the car without a hug or kiss, tossing out a half-hearted “let’s hike again” instead. For someone who’d been trying to get in my pants the week before, this was a major shift. I drove home feeling gross.
My friend told me to just ask. So I did: Me: “Real talk, was that a flirty hike or just a friendly hike?”
Him: “To be honest, for me it was just a friendly hike. But I had a lot of fun!”
Ouch. Ego bruised. But you know what? Relief followed.
Rejection hurts—we avoid it by dodging tough conversations, reading between the lines, and rehearsing worst-case scenarios. But rejection is unavoidable, and anticipating it doesn’t make it hurt less. Without self- awareness and self-worth, we internalize rejection as proof something’s wrong with us. Think Carrie at Big’s engagement party: “Why wasn’t it me?”
But clarity? That’s power. It frees you from anxiety and lets you move on to what you truly deserve. Best case: they’re into you, and you keep exploring. Worst case: you get the info you need to walk away. Either way, you win.
You deserve clarity. You’re showing up freshly showered, shaved, and stunning. The least he can do is tell you how he feels.
So just do it, babe. Ask. And when you do, I’m buying you the dirtiest martini imaginable, you brave little baddie.
