Being single in the city is not all champagne and rooftop sunsets — especially in a place that has a reputation for being one of the worst cities to date in, at least that’s what statistics tell us. It sets you up for limitless anticipation, potential and excitement, but the higher you climb, the harder you fall. Being a newly single LA native, the New York dating scene seemed shiny and new at first glance…but soon revealed its rough edges. The first couple of days I was here, there was a fire in my dorm building. We evacuated to the streets and found some students from neighboring dorms, including this cute boy. We talked, we laughed, and as modern dating goes, I found him in my DMs hours later. Our first – and only – date was at a flea market but he was so unbearably dull that when we got back to the dorm I told him I had to go see my aunt — an aunt who wasn’t even in the same state, but he didn’t need to know that.
I couldn’t help but wonder, was New York the villain? Was I now just another statistic of New York singles? Or was I my own worst enemy? Is dating really about instant sparks? Or have the endless options and incessant swiping made us too quick to judge, dismissing real potential before it even has a chance to grow?
I figured, who better to turn to than the city’s seasoned romantics? Veterans of the Valentine. Masters of the mingle. I’d pick the brains of any New Yorker willing to share their wisdom on the modern dating epidemic of New York City. Why not?
Nicole Cattel, a 55 year-old filmmaker and divorcée, lives in Greenwood Heights and has been dating in Manhattan and Brooklyn since her split in 2018. As a mother of two, seeking a committed relationship, she uses Bumble, Feeld, Hinge, Facebook, and Tinder. Cattel said, “The apps are addictive. I use them in place of social media. It can get exhausting. I feel like I’m getting closer to finding someone and getting a better radar of finding the right people.”
After six years of searching, she thinks the key to having a good dating app experience in New York is “How you craft your profile. You must present yourself in a certain way depending on your wants and needs.”
New York City is ranked #144 out of 182 cities on WalletHub’s list of the best cities to date. It was also voted the worst dating city by Fetishfinder in September 2024. The research was based on data collected from the United States Census Bureau, Google Keyword Planner, and a website called Numbeo that compares the cost of living in cities and countries. They based their research on six factors: the population of single people, the likelihood of marriage in the area, the annual divorce rate, quality of life, cost of living, and the rate of individuals seeking a relationship.
While many claim the dating system is broken, there are always new ways to try online and offline dating. Based on the advice, I found that it’s all about knowing where to look and how to put yourself out there in a calculated manner. Sometimes, we’re too quick to swipe left, whether on dating apps or in real life, dismissing potential connections before they have a chance to blossom. Getting off the apps and into the real world may be the first change to improve a New Yorker’s dating life, myself included. It’s about slowing down, being present, and giving people the space to show who they really are beyond a profile or first impression.
“The dating world in New York is really difficult to navigate,” said Isabella Epstein, 26, who has lived in Manhattan for three years since moving from Connecticut. “I haven’t been on a date in two years.” She has tried dating apps and going out, hoping someone would approach her. Her friends and peers had similar issues and felt that “dating in New York has become completely broken. People don’t talk to each other anymore, we’re all stuck on the apps, and the element of human connection has disappeared entirely.”
She has a new game called “50 First Dates with a Twist” turning dating into a fun experiment. If she isn’t compatible with her date, she will pass him on to her TikTok followers in hopes of finding a better match for that person while she moves onto the greener pastures of her next date.
Epstein has gone on six dates, meeting them on the street or in her DMs. “They have gone well, but it’s hard to say how well because I haven’t been on their second date yet. I am not passing them along just yet.” She is determined and said, “We collectively need to stop waiting on others and expecting anything from anyone else. If no one says anything, it’s a missed opportunity. I don’t think women should wait for a man to make a move.”
The second prominent issue in the New York romance world is loyalty and the accessibility of other options, especially dating apps.
Adam Friedland, 60 years old, my Uncle-in-Law living in Park Slope since 1994, grew up in the North Bronx, never married, has no kids, and openly dates. He uses dating apps like Hinge, Bumble, and Match, the oldest known dating site. He thinks a lot has evolved.
Friedland said, “Everyone is lying online—especially the older people who lie about their age and have perfect airbrushed skin at 50. There is less patience with dating because if they don’t like one thing about you, they can find someone else to see without much effort.” He struggles with comparing himself to others but remembers, “You don’t know someone based on a couple of pictures of them.” He said the main thing he has learned from dating in New York for so long is that transparency about expectations, desires, and boundaries is key. “It will not work out if you aren’t clear initially.”
I realized one of the great things about dating in such a vast city is there are many ways to go on a date without spending money. Some great free date options are museums, parks, walking around, gallery openings, and free concerts.
After my romantic reconnaissance, I’ve learned that there’s no magic code or secret to finding love in the city. There are obstacles you’ll have to overcome, but in the end, they won’t matter when you find someone who’s right for you.Dating in the city doesn’t have to be as daunting as it seems. Maybe it’s not about the place, but about how we approach it. With so many options, we might be too quick to judge or dismiss what could have been a real connection. We’re all just chasing windmills. Keep chasing em’! Ask people out! The worst they can say is no. It wasn’t meant to be. And if they say, “ew, no…” then you wouldn’t wanna date them anyways. Their loss.
In the end, we spend so much time searching for sparks, maybe we forget that real connections are more like a slow burn than a flash fire.
Xoxo,
Gianna
